Day 35: Graduation

As an adjunct professor, I've taught about 8 years worth of graduating students. Over the years, I've observed that the student reaction to impending graduation has varied, mostly depending on the state of the economy and the overall character of the class. Some years are simply more optimistic, or more driven than others. But, no matter the character or the climate, the graduation jitters are a universal truth.

Each semester, beyond the class description, and beyond what the university asks of me, the students ask for something more. My job (especially in the spring) really isn't just about design instruction and portfolio coaching, it's a little bit of life-coaching as well. One-on-one meetings with students start out about class issues, but quickly reveal that they are about something else. Familiar themes emerge: A feeling of being overwhelmed by the amount of work. Anxiety over interviews, job prospects, having choices, and making the right decisions. Fear of rejection. Confusion about what they should do next, whether or not they have a job waiting beside their diploma.

Honestly, I love this part of my work. By talking to the students and giving simple, practical advice, I can see instant results. I may not have solved all their problems, but they know they aren't in it alone, we've all been there, and they will be okay. I can see their shoulders relax a little, hear their breathing get easier, and sometimes even dry some tears.

While my advice always depends on the student, there are common threads that apply to everyone: When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath, a time out. Make a list. Prioritize and put things into perspective. To make the right decision, think about what you ultimately want from your career five years from now, and make the choices that support that path. When you need help, ask for it, and show gratitude. Remember everyone likes to feel appreciated. If you do that, they will be willing to help you out again in the future. If you are at a loss, or haven't found a position yet, don't give up. Keep working, keep going in the right direction by studying, practicing and even volunteering on your own, and eventually you will find a reward for all your effort. Look back and reflect on how far you've come, how much you have accomplished and you will see that I am right.

Today, Simon graduated from the CIMT program. At times, throughout the month, we felt overwhelmed by the intensity of the program -- the casting was scary, the frustration tough, and the schedule challenging. We worried that we wouldn't be up to the task when it came to homework. We had anxiety over testing and evaluations and outcomes. We didn't know if we had the right tools, or the right skills. We constantly questioned whether we made the right decisions, and we wonder where we should go and what we should do next.

So, I'm taking my own advice.

Throughout the program, when it was tough, we took deep breaths, and time outs, and made priorities to make it work. We took turns, we made lists, we put things in perspective.

Now, as we are presented with choices about where to go next, about what therapy and programs to pursue, about how to alter Simon's IEP, about what questions to ask which doctors, I will think about where I want Simon to be six months from now. Thanks to this program, we've seen some of what he is capable of when we do have the right program in place, and the right guidance and support.

When we needed help, it came to us in many forms and I am so grateful. My parents helped with moral support and financial help. My mother and my sister cheered us on every single day. Truly unexpected is that through the media of this blog, I've felt closer relationships, especially with my dad. Like most father-daughter relationships, we don't talk as much as I wish we could, and knowing that he is faithfully reading every day has been touching and comforting. Through the blog I've also had outreaches of support, prayers, happy thoughts, and helpful feedback from family, close friends, acquaintances, and people I don't even know. I'm grateful to each and every one of you.

I'm grateful to Simon's teachers and school therapists for their patience and support and willingness to adapt to new ideas from an external source. And, of course, I'm also grateful to the amazing staff we worked with at KKI. We have learned so much, and I feel that the door has opened to many more opportunities for Simon to grow, learn new skills, and become closer to fulfilling his expanding potential. I felt a kindred spirit in the OT there, and I am thrilled that she will be helping us a while longer and continuing to point us in the right direction.

We will continue, of course, to research and study, to practice our skills and look for opportunities to help Simon and other families like our own. I find myself wondering if all that I've written here over the past 36 days is really the beginning of a book, a way to find other Laura's and Brian's and Simon's and share our knowledge and laughter and tears. Maybe.

Most of all, as I look back, I see how much Simon has accomplished. I am so proud of our little boy. Of his patience, his determination, his willingness to move forward and work within such heavy constraints. His ability to play and be happy and just be a kid day after day within such difficult and sometimes uncomfortable constraints. The mind-blowing and incredibly inspiring progress he has made. I cannot wait to see where he will go next, and I know I am privileged to be a part of it.

Today, at our last meeting of the CIMT program, we reviewed notes, and thanked and hugged our therapist, who will be in touch soon. In just a few weeks, we should be back to continue our work on self-care, pre-writing and other targeted tasks. As we left the building, they didn't hand Simon a diploma, and I didn't buy him the customary balloons or roses. 

Instead, we went and got a turkey sandwich for our little miracle.

Day 34: Baby Shower

Yesterday, after the baby shower, I crashed. I think lack of sleep for a few days finally caught up to me. This was unrelated to the party -- it has more to do with a snoring husband (he has a cold) and a little person wanting his cymbals at 5 am every morning (He's pretty happy to have both his hands back. The cast was inhibiting his percussion sessions). So, I apologize for the post lapse, if anyone missed it.

Yesterday was my sister's baby shower, which I've been planning since Christmas. I love a theme in general (I am a graphic designer) and I was pretty pleased with the theme I put together for the shower-- "Baby Love" where I combined some blue birds of happiness (since the baby will be a boy) with Valentine's Day decor and candy. I even found conversation hearts that had baby-themed messages like "rock a bye," "little angel,""big hugs," and "cutie pie." (I bought way too many of those. They're cute, but nobody eats them. If you happen to eat them, let me know and I have about 5 lbs of pastel hearts I can send you. Note the jar, below -- it is still THAT full!)

Overall, it was a great party. Great turn out, and LOTS of presents for the new baby. My sister looked both happy and radiant (in that glowy way only pregnant women can) as she opened (with Olivia's, um, assistance) package after package of adorable baby clothes, toys and gear.

It's pretty impossible not to get nostalgic when you're ooh-ing and aw-ing over all that sweet baby stuff. A couple of people even brought their babies with them to the shower, and I got to get my fix with a  quick cuddle here and there. I'm really thrilled for my sister's new baby, if for no other reason than the fact that I can get my "fix" more often. Is there anything like baby breath on your cheek, while you breathe in their sweet baby smell? Not for this mommy, there isn't. I don't even mind crying and diapers. I'm immune.

So, why aren't I having another one? Well, first there's the simple matter of numbers. We're at our max on all economic, space, time and staff fronts. I can't imagine that it would be a good thing for us to be outnumbered, we perfected the divide-and-conquer technique way too well for that to change now. I also like sleep (when I can get it), and I like fitting into my skinny jeans (after I stretch them out a little).

But, there's another reason. The truth is, through planning this shower for my sister, I realized something very personally positive. I found amid all the planning that, for the first time since Simon was born, I was completely happy for someone about to have a baby. Up until now, though I'd never TELL other expecting moms that I was fearful for them, or even a little jealous when they had a perfect healthy baby, it was there. My dark secret. It made me feel like a bad person to have such feelings. I was ashamed to admit that I hadn't gotten over the trauma of Simon's birth, though I love him wildly and know how much worse things could have been. My fear and sadness colored every interaction I had with pregnancy and childbirth. The truth is, it took almost five years, and I can let go of it now, but I can't go through it again.

Aunt Jenny (now a mom-to-be) holding Simon on his birthday.

Day 33: Self-care

It's the little things that sometimes make the biggest difference.

I've mentioned before that I am lucky in my friends. This morning, very early, two of my oldest girlfriends met me for breakfast at a diner because that was the only time I could find for myself this weekend. As I apologized for making them schlep out so early (one of them just got in from NY at 2 am), they very sincerely said that they were just happy to see me and if that meant losing a little sleep it was no big deal.

I got enough warm fuzzies off of that to last me through the month.

Later on, Simon demonstrated his best attempt at self care yet. He undressed himself at bath-time, using BOTH hands and needing minimal assistance. He even put his clothes in the hamper (now, if I can only teach his dad that trick...).

Simon was very pleased with himself, and we applauded after each garment was removed, down to his sweet little socks.

Day 32: Extension

Another snow day. All told, this week the kids have only had one day of school. And, in my opinion, today was the ickiest snow day yet. All day long it was sort of snow-raining with the kind of frigid dampness that permeates your bones and refuses to budge until you at least ingest two cups of hot cocoa.

So, the kids stayed inside with me all day. I'm afraid that I wasn't the most fun or stimulating mom today, either. Between trying to keep work afloat (two client calls from inside the bathroom, many emails answered, plus one rush invite out the door!) and getting ready for my sister's baby shower this Sunday (3 dozen red velvet cupcakes with raspberry filling baked! 4 dozen sugar cookies rolled out and sprinkled! Decorations up! Pasta sauce made!) I was a little bit distracted. I wanted to clean the house too, but I figured that cleaning anything on a day when the kids are stuck indoors would be a bit like trying to shovel the walk during a white-out.

Fortunately, the kids kept themselves entertained. For gross motor stimulation they took down the balloons I had carefully placed as baby shower decor and chased each other around the house with them. As a fine motor exercise they stole cookies very quietly from the counter top using both a strategic pincer grasp and well planned supination (I pretended not to notice).

 

The day wasn't a total educational loss, though. This morning Brian and Simon DID make it to KKI. It turns out that today was NOT to be Simon's last day of the CIMT program. They want him to have five full days of bilateral therapy, so we have an extension through Monday. I'm not complaining. I'm hopeful that Monday will be a normal school day (please God!) and, as soon as I get Olivia off on the school bus, I will rush to KKI to squeeze as much information out of the OT and the PT as possible before we're totally finished.

Although, even then we're not going to be really totally completely finished. As soon as we can sort out our insurance's therapy benefit (Fun with Insurance! I'll save my health care rant for another post...) for continued outpatient services, we should be on board for once a week OT. Initially it will be with the same OT we are currently seeing, then possibly transferring to an OT in the KKI Outpatient Center (right now we are a part of the Specialized Transitional Program). I'm really glad we can continue on in some fashion, we've made so much progress, and learned so much about Simon over the course of the last month that I truly believe that more will be very beneficial (hear that, Carefirst?).

Speaking of things that should continue, I think that I will continue the blog. Not on a daily basis (aside from the kids and husband, I already have two jobs and when classes start next week I will be lucky if I have time to think, much less write down cohesive thoughts), but at least once a week. I had originally intended this journal to be a contained project, with a finite beginning and end. But, let's face it, life isn't like that. Our story isn't like that. As a commenter on yesterday's post suggested, I have learned a lot through this process, and I do think that I have more yet to learn. Going back and reading about Simon's progress - our progress, makes me appreciate where we have been and where we are going in a very tangible way.

Not to mention the fact that it is kind of fun.

Day 31: SWEET!

"Sweet!" was Simon's word of the day. Where he picked it up, I have no idea, but it has become  his exclamation of choice.

"Sweet!" was the extra cookie I gave him after lunch, "Sweet!" was when Mommy joined him to play outside in the snow, "Sweet!" was the Elmo Monster Maker App I downloaded purely for his entertainment this afternoon, and, sweet was the day we had.

Despite the somewhat unexpected foot of snow we got last night, Simon and Brian made it to KKI this morning, albeit it a little late, for therapy. His regular therapists were snowed in, but we wanted to make sure that he gets as many opportunities to work with the KKI therapists as possible during these final days of the CIMT program (I still can't believe we are finished, and I'm a little sad to be finishing both this amazing program, and this blog, tomorrow).

Following therapy, it was pure snow-day fun around here. From cookie baking, to snowman making, to napping on the sofa with Daddy, we had all the wonderful that winter can provide, well past the date I would have told you I was tired of the cold and the snow.

Sweet.