Dreams

I've had a lot of babies happening around me lately (congrats all you new mom and mom-to-be buddies!), so it isn't too surprising that last night I had a very vivid dream about having another baby. In the dream, childbirth went exceptionally well and all was calm and happy -- sort of the opposite of when Simon was born. And I was thrilled -- until the dream nurse put the baby in my arms. I looked down and saw Simon (his newborn self).

"Wait!" I said, "I already had this baby -- and he is a little boy now."

"I know," said the nurse "but this baby is perfect -- no brain damage. You get to do it over!"

At that point, the dream turned into a nightmare. "No," I cried, "I want my son back -- my Simon. I love him just the way he is, and he is perfect. Don't take him away from me."

I think, for the first time ever, I was happy when Simon woke me up at 5 am to climb into bed with me. The dream faded and I held him close. As he snuggled into me, I knew that I really wouldn't change a thing. Though I both pray for and work towards miracles every single day -- to me, he is perfect, and I will always love him just as he is.