Monday, January 3, 2011

Day 7: Slacker Momma

Today started sensibly, and ambitiously enough. At 5:45 I got up and out to the yoga studio for the first "Hour of Power" of the day. I've been sporadic in my attendance over the past 2 weeks (who wants to wake up before 6 am over holiday break?), but this morning I made a heroic effort to drag my butt out of bed and into downward dog.

I'm at my least flexible and least balanced at this time of day. My hamstrings protest when I simply bend over in "ragdoll," and standing on one leg without hopping all over my mat is pretty impossible (not to mention slightly embarrassing). However, early morning is the one time I've found that fits best into everyone's schedule around here (they don't miss me when they are asleep). Since getting regular exercise is pretty key to my sanity, it is worth it. But getting up before dawn isn't without other rewards, as well.

This time of year, when I leave the house, the stars are amazingly clear in the early morning sky. More than once, I've caught a shooting star whiz by -- and this morning I was lucky enough to catch another blaze across the sky before disappearing into the blackness.

I bet you know what I wished for.

I'm also at my most clear-headed at this time of day. My mind hasn't had time to get cluttered up with all the worries and to-do-lists yet, so, for once, I'm able to focus on what is right in front of me. Occasionally, I even catch a revelation as it flashes across my consciousness before fading into the murkiness of everyday survival.

In yoga, I'm most challenged by the balancing postures. Sometimes it seems that the more I concentrate, the harder I think through the next series of muscle movements, the more likely I am to fall. Today, I stopped thinking about it. I just did it. Without thought (without dread), I swept into the pose. And held it. From half-moons to handstands I led with my heart for a change, and found that elusive balance. And just a little joy.

So, this afternoon, when Simon came home from a half-day of therapy, and another half-day of school, and was so tired he slipped into calling me "momma" instead of the slightly more big-kid "mommy" that I usually hear, I decided not to push. I let him lay on the floor and watch a favorite video while I helped Livy with her homework. I let him choose his favorite dinner and fed him from my hands instead of making him work for every bite. I cuddled him in my lap and watched another video with him instead of making him play with the toys that are so hard to pick up, and the buttons that are so tough to push.

I turned off my head. I led with my heart, and today, I think we are both the better balanced for it.

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